Recently I've encountered some changes that I never really wanted to experience in my life. This is in addition to my body not looking like it did when I was 25. Don't get scared away as I'm not going to talk about hemorrhoids or wrinkles because I suffer from neither of those problems. Please note if you see my wrinkles, don't bother telling me because I've chosen NOT to see them. I'm talking about DIVORCE.
I've been all over the internet searching for reliable statistics and I'm confident I don't remember anything from the college stats course I took, but the stats look like the United States is at around 50%. A 50% divorce rate is less than stellar. So imagine the next party you attend has twenty couples. Ten of those couples will divorce. FYI...It is not fair to bet money on which ones you think will fail at your next party. If I had to bet money on the marriages I thought would fail I would've been wrong!! For example, my husband is STILL married to me and I'm a lunatic!
I'm going to try and avoid giving advice as I am only in my 12th year of marriage. What I want to offer is hope. There is a 50% chance you will stay married!! I'm sure if you've been married more than one day you realize marriage is about compromise. When I say compromise I don't mean that you have to be less you or not a MAN or WOMAN, but you have to give up your pride. Pride has no place in a marriage. The other thing that has no place is "winning." If you always fight to win, you lose. I used to fight with my husband because I spent so many years watching my parents fight I thought that was a necessary part of marriage. Unfortunately for me, my husband didn't believe in fighting. He would ignore my screaming and just sit quietly until I was finished. Often times I would say hateful things to try and hurt his feelings and to have the last word. The "I win!" statement was so powerful to me. Over time and a wonderful example(and I imagine a ton of prayer on the part of my husband) I eventually realized that I had actually lost EVERY fight I had ever had in my life where I had the last word. EVERY FIGHT! For someone like me who loves to win, losing every fight was a terrible statistic to absorb.
The other thing I also had to realize is that my husband is the head of my house. I'm boss over much, but when it is time and it is warranted, my husband has the final say. I am not keen on authority figures so having someone else run my life is a hard thing to relinquish. On the subject of running someone's life, that is NOT your job. We are to be a support for each other and a marriage is not a dictatorship. I like to think of my husband as owning 49% of the marriage shares, while I hold 49%, and together we hold 2%.
Marriage is not something you do with the prospect of, "If this doesn't work out we can get a divorce." Marriage is hard. It is not for sissies and it also does not get better after you get married. If you fight before you get married, you will likely fight MORE when you are married and don't think a child will make the punch better. You will want to spike your punch if you end up married, with a baby and MISERABLE! I said I wasn't going to offer advice, I LIED.
I'm not perfect and neither is my spouse, but we CHOOSE to be happy and to continue to work to save our marriage. Life can throw curve balls and sometimes it is easier to just walk away. It is harder to stay. It is always harder to fix the old broken down jalopy than to buy a shiny new convertible. Let's change the statistic. Commit to fix the broken down jalopy*. If you avoid the cost of divorce you could actually save yourself some money and you'll be able to afford the convertible!
If you want to read some books that are great for helping a marriage grow, try The Power Of A Praying Husband or The Power of A Praying Wife both by Stormie Omartian. The other book that is eye opening is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Sometimes divorce happens, but seek Godly counseling and support. Sometimes the changes that need to occur are inside ourselves.
*my husband wants to be clear that he is not the broken down jalopy.
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