Anger Management

Although this is not a photo of me, I feel like
doing this very same thing!

This morning I had a very frustrating and rushed morning. The kids got up late, were crabby, snacks were not packed and everyone was rushing around.  Last night was football and volleyball practice which keeps us up and out late.  Eventually we will get in to the routine and there will be less running, screaming, and crying.

I get in the car to drive to the barn to feed the animals and I leave the kids brushing their teeth.  I return to pick them up and we are about a mile down the road and Brett asks if he can eat one of his snacks?  "Didn't you see the breakfast sausage sitting on the table for you??" I ask through clenched teeth.  "No" he replies.  I pull a u-turn in the road and speed home to get his breakfast.  I pull up to the house huffing and puffing and lecturing the kids all about responsibility and  preparedness.  Brett runs inside and grabs his food and returns to the car in about two seconds.  The whole ordeal takes three minutes, but feels like ten.  I am frustrated and impatient and probably look like a lunatic with crazy darting eyes!

As I continue driving the kids to school I realize I've just shown my children how to behave when you are angry.  My actions gave them permission to act like a crazy person when they get upset or are inconvenienced.  Furthermore I've witnessed this behavior in both of my children and I get furious with them for acting like caged animals!  Guess where they learned this behavior?  Exactly, their father!  Ok, NO.  They are learning this terrible behavior from their mom, me.  The very person who wants them to be kind and loving and long suffering is wild, crazy and very much like a bomb went off in your living room.

I was sad and happy at the same time.  Sad because I knew I would have to apologize to my children for acting out in anger and happy for the same reason.  This explosion gives me an opportunity to teach them what NOT to do and also how to resolve the situation with those to whom the aggression was directed.  Listen to this very important point...My apology is not permission to behave this way again.  I need to change my behavior and be the example.  I need not act like an alcoholic who gets drunk every night and every morning asks for forgiveness.