I Am Thankful For THIS Life

Chloe finally returned to school, but Brett was playing with her backpack and dropped her notebook on the  floor and it busted open spilling papers everywhere!  I was all the way down at the barn and I heard the most awful scream coming from her tiny little self.  I came running all the way up to the house where I was met by Brett who claims, "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!"

notice the mountain of trash
from her backpack

When I made it to the house only to find out she was throwing a tantrum, I was not very happy.  Instead of yelling too I simply said, "Sometimes when things like this happen it is an opportunity to clean out your backpack."  She just growled.  It reminded me of when she was little and she used to hiss at people.  I had a hard time explaining to other people why she didn't just smile and say thank you, but following a compliment she would often look up at the adult and hiss.  Her only friends for her early life were her cats.  Some things haven't changed, she still hisses.


The playhouse is almost finished.  The only delay was the nailgun breaking at midday.  Chloe was thrilled with the progress and ready to move in.  She already has plans of a sleepover including 500 of her closest friends and family members.  I see an epoch wedding in her future.  I recall the day when she saw a food network show about VooDoo Donuts in Portland, Oregon.  They talked about how it is a common wedding spot.  She decided at that moment her wedding will be at VooDoo Donuts.  How is Portland, Oregon for a destination wedding??  I have a feeling our attendees list will be short.

Chloe's new home in the final stages
of construction.  Move-in date pending.

Since I've been home all week, the house is clean and the dinner menu even includes dessert.  My husband wants this lady to stay.  This lady will be gone by next week and the old me will return with home cooked dinner sans the dessert and a moderately clean home.  I don't know how working moms do it and keep the house clean, too!?!  I have seasons of doing really well and seasons of barely keeping my head above the water.  My husband truly appreciates a good dinner, a dessert, a clean house, fresh laundry and our bed made.  He helps me often, but he really does appreciate when I am able to do it without his help since he works a bunch.  He never complains, but I can tell he smiles on the inside when he comes home to a clean house with dinner served and something baking in the oven. This week I made all of his favorites: meatballs with wild rice and broccoli , meatloaf with mashed potatoes and peas, bbq spare ribs with new potatoes and green beans and tonight was milanesa(chicken fried steak) with poblano rice with corn.  I made a few jello desserts and pineapple upside down cake.  Next week I think soup and sandwiches every night sounds good.

As a mom, we are often responsible for the food and nurturing role even if we aren't better at it.  I truly believe if I could make what my husband makes I would want him to be the stay-at-home parent.  Although I love to cook, I like making recipes and certain foods whereas he can create a delicious dinner out of whatever hides in our pantry.  As far as nurturing, well I'm not sure how I fare in that department, but every one is still alive.  I am blessed to have someone who when I am not at my best steps in to help.  Luckily when I am at my best he sends me the following text message, "Love you.  btw you didn't just look beautiful today, you look beautiful every day."  I'm not sure how I married Prince Charming, but it happened.  Tonight I will close my eyes and thank God for my seemingly perfect life filled with playhouses, farms and Prince Charming and also thank God for his mercy, provision, and abundant blessings of a life undeserved but happily lived.  I hope you will also be grateful for your beautiful lives, not just tonight, but every night.  I am thankful for this life. Goodnight Friends.

Some Building, Some Painting, Some Deep Thought

minstrel leggings

Chloe finally started feeling better today.  She rested in the morning and by noon she was her regular happy self asking if she could read a book.  Thank goodness.  I was starting to get worried.  Today is usually my day off and I run errands and have a date with my husband for lunch, but instead it was spent at home.  Since I cleaned yesterday and the thought of organizing the playroom made me physically ill, I opted instead to erect Chloe's playhouse.  It can't be that hard.  I started with the floor and then the walls went up fairly easily.  I might have time this weekend to finish the roof.  Yeah right.  I took photos while two nice men worked on her playhouse.  I instead stuck to the work I am more skilled to do.  Wait, not actually more skilled, just more willing.  I painted Chloe's minstrel costume.  It is still not finished, but here are photos of the progress thus far.

under shirt

Along with the painting I also added some jewels and such.  I am not able to create a costume without jewels, glitter and trim.    I guess Brett's costumes are usually void of trim, but that is only so his friends don't make fun of him.  If it were really up to me, their uniforms would have rhinestones!  I have been known to wear sparkles even when it is not cool to wear sparkles.  Remember when grunge was the fashion?  Well, I was still wearing rhinestones.  I'm sure it was me and the working girls, but I am a fan of the sparkles.  I always tell people to wear what makes you happy and not what is necessarily in style.  That does not mean I can wear my farm outfit in public, but it does mean I can wear my farm outfit at home.  I truly enjoy getting dressed up.  The fancier the better!

tunic

Speaking of sparkles, I was reading this morning and happened upon the story of Pharaoh and the story of letting the Israelites go.  It also happened to be the message at church this Sunday in a round about way.  Here's the thing that I've been thinking about:  "and God hardened his heart(Pharaoh)."  So God hardened Pharaoh's heart so that he might show himself?  I started to look around and I was reminded of Romans 9.  Here I offer a little bedtime reading.  It is a quick read but fills the mind with much thought.  Tell me what you think.

Romans 9

New International Version (NIV)

          www.biblegateway.com 

Paul’s Anguish Over Israel

9 I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit— ² I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. ³ For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, ⁴ the people of Israel. Theirs is the adoption to sonship; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises. ⁵ Theirs are the patriarchs, and from them is traced the human ancestry of the Messiah, who is God over all, forever praised!^[a] Amen.

God’s Sovereign Choice

⁶ It is not as though God’s word had failed. For not all who are descended from Israel are Israel. ⁷ Nor because they are his descendants are they all Abraham’s children. On the contrary, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”^[b] 8 In other words, it is not the children by physical descent who are God’s children, but it is the children of the promise who are regarded as Abraham’s offspring. ⁹ For this was how the promise was stated: “At the appointed time I will return, and Sarah will have a son.”^[c]

¹⁰ Not only that, but Rebekah’s children were conceived at the same time by our father Isaac. ¹¹ Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God’s purpose in election might stand:¹² not by works but by him who calls—she was told, “The older will serve the younger.”^[d] 13 Just as it is written: “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”^[e]

¹⁴ What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! ¹⁵ For he says to Moses,

“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
    and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”^[f]

¹⁶ It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. ¹⁷ For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”^[g] 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

¹⁹ One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” ²⁰ But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”^[h] 21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?

²² What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? ²³ What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— ²⁴ even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles? ²⁵ As he says in Hosea:

“I will call them ‘my people’ who are not my people;
    and I will call her ‘my loved one’ who is not my loved one,”^[i]

²⁶ and,

“In the very place where it was said to them,
    ‘You are not my people,’
    there they will be called ‘children of the living God.’”^[j]

²⁷ Isaiah cries out concerning Israel:

“Though the number of the Israelites be like the sand by the sea,
    only the remnant will be saved.
²⁸ For the Lord will carry out
    his sentence on earth with speed and finality.”^[k]

²⁹ It is just as Isaiah said previously:

“Unless the Lord Almighty
    had left us descendants,
we would have become like Sodom,
    we would have been like Gomorrah.”^[l]

Israel’s Unbelief

³⁰ What then shall we say? That the Gentiles, who did not pursue righteousness, have obtained it, a righteousness that is by faith; ³¹ but the people of Israel, who pursued the law as the way of righteousness,have not attained their goal. ³² Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the stumbling stone. ³³ As it is written:

“See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes people to stumble
    and a rock that makes them fall,    and the one who believes in him will never be put to shame.”^[m]

I hope you made it to the end of the passage and that you are now thinking about the grandness of God.  He is, well, larger than I can even wrap my head around some days.  I hope you will truly think about the words found here in Romans 9.  I would really love to hear your thoughts about this passage of scripture.  I am thankful for the two men who are assembling the playhouse (Day 60).  Goodnight Friends!!

I Want To Leave More Than That

As you can see, Chloe is still not feeling very well, but her uncle sent her and Brett some Harvard gear.  Chloe refuses to remove her sweatshirt and Brett wants to know what the heck the big deal is about Harvard.  Chloe was home again today since we woke up to 5am throwing up.   It provided me with time to clean the house and the guest house.  I have visitors coming this weekend and want to make sure everything is neat and clean in the guest house.  I checked the bathroom to make sure there were plenty of supplies.  My mom stays there often and as it turns out, there are better supplies in the guest bathroom than in all of my house.  Thanks Mom.   I also located a large portion of my missing  cleaning supplies over there.

After cleaning the houses, I scoured the outdoors for dried flowers for my dried flower bouquets for Chloe's Medieval Feast and Faire coming soon.  I signed up to make all sixty but a kind mother volunteered to help me.  Tonight I sat on my porch and made fifteen bouquets that I will then hand off to the next mom.  She said if I provided the supplies she would assemble the rest.  She is a blessing.  I'm not sure the bouquets are turning out Martha Stewart approved and most definitely not pinterest either.  The description merely stated "dried flower bouquets" and so I added some fresh rosemary for fragrance, a brown lunch bag and some random ribbon as the raffia was playing hide and seek and I was losing.

I re-stapled the plastic to protect the chicken coop from the cold front and especially the tiny chicks.  I went to check on them after dark and everyone was sleeping including the babies who were huddled under their warming light.  Soon they will be big chickens and Thadd will threaten to take them to the processing plant.  I think the next thing he is going to want me to learn is how to process my own chicken.  Stay tuned for my family becoming vegan.

My brother called me this evening to tell me I likely would not see his grandmother-in-law again.  She suffered a stroke and is in the hospital in Mexico.  She is in her 90's and has lived a beautiful life.  She is the kindest woman I know and has a legacy of sharing God's love everywhere she goes.  This Thanksgiving and Christmas I spent with her and consider myself so extremely blessed to have been in her company.  Often times you would think she was asleep in her chair but as you approached her lips were moving and she was praying.  She would open her eyes and pray for you.  I remember when I first met her and she visited one of my past houses, it was covered in century old oak trees.  She walked to each of the trees and prayed for them and thanked God for planting them there.  She could make any plant grow and thrive and has such a love of God's natural world.  As she fades from this world to the next I am happy to call her my grandmother, too.  Heaven is filled with so many amazing people who have left the earth so recently.  I know she will be welcomed with celebration.

During my cleaning session today I was able to reflect on so many things and remember so many wonderful people who I have known.  Many people who have left this life are inspirational people with a strong legacy.  I pray to be one of those people some day.  When I fade from this life to the next I want to be remembered for being something more than just a mom, teacher, wife, and friend.  I want to be remembered as having a light that shone brightly so that others might feel God's love(with a hint of sarcasm!).  Reflection is good.  Cleaning, not so much.

Chloe wasn't feeling great today, but I was very productive and I stayed in my jammies all day.  Now I will continue painting her minstrel costume is hopes that it  turns out as planned.  I am thankful for knowing people who are inspirational in their everyday lives.  People who live differently so that I might see God's love.(Day 59).  Goodnight Friends.

A Quiet Day InThe Neighborhood

The sign on her forehead reads:
"Yes, I am a crazy person"
She was a little loopy today.

Children and narcotics are entertaining.  Chloe spent the day talking about kittens, not strange, but she was having a hard time walking and did have unusually large eyes.  She is still having some pain and will likely stay home tomorrow morning to continue to recover.  I was so tired that after taking Brett to school this morning I returned home and fell asleep for two more hours.  Chloe, Scratchy and Mommy had a cozy sleep.

The day flew by and Brett jumped in the car and announced he got in trouble today.  He moved his clip down for laughing in class.  As much as I don't like him getting in trouble I was sort of hoping for something more creative than laughing in class.  He prayed that tomorrow would be a good day and he would move his clip UP.  Clarification:  clip down=bad & clip up=good.

my minstrel costume design with wildly
bright colors and glitter paint, too.
If glitter paint existed then they would've
used it!!

The chickens laid twelve eggs, the pony and the goats are all fine and today was a quiet and uneventful day.  So boring in fact, I had to start a project.  Chloe's 4th grade class learns about the Medieval Feast and such and the moms do lots and lots of projects and cooking and organizing to create an amazing Medieval experience for the kids.  Chloe was chosen to be a minstrel and when she got in the call and announced, "MOM I'M A MINSTREL!" I thought she said, "MOM, I'M MENSTRUAL!"  Boy was I relieved.  Today I began the painting and design of her costume and as usual I did not design it before I started painting it so it will likely be a fabulous and not perfect creation.  The cart before the horse. I still haven't decided how the pattern is going to merge.  I really wish my good friend from college, Suzanne, lived closer.  She would teach me how paint the perfect pattern.  Likely a pattern exists on the internet, but that seemed too time consuming!

I am thankful for uneventful days filled with creativity and paint. (Day 59).  Goodnight Friends!  Oh and a special Happy Birthday to two very sweet people...Dawn and Grumpy.

Obligatory January Hospital Visit For Chloe

Everything was going as planned today.  Sleep late, eat a leisurely breakfast, get dressed, go to church, run some errands, and clean the chicken coop.   I did hit a small obstacle at the get dressed spot for a couple reasons, I had to actually wear something other than my favorite farm outfit and because my son's brown shoes were no where to be found.  I search the whole house and then finally asked my husband(since he cleans more often than I do).  "Thadd, have you seen Brett's brown shoes?  They were right here by the trash can."  He looks at me while sitting in bed reading his iPad and says, "In the trash."  "Why would you put them in the trash??" I say, perplexed.  "They have been sitting by the trash can for a week!" he replies.  "That is where he leaves them so he can find them for school.  I guess our errands will have to include new brown school shoes."

The rest of the day goes off as planned except for finding new brown shoes.  Truthfully, they look like a wreck, but since they were purchased after Thanksgiving they need to last till the end of the school year.  We drive home and somehow Brett goes from being completely clothed in  slacks, a white button down shirt, a white t-shirt and a blazer, to underwear with a white t-shirt tied around his head.  Pulling up to our gate Thadd opens the trashcan and grabs the shoes off the top.  While wiping the shoes off Thadd decides Brett needs new shoes since these shoes are a mess and have a hole in them.  He also needs new P.E. shoes.  This kid is hard on his shoes like his mama.

The end of day chore finally arrives and I change in to my newly cut (due to rips in inappropriate locations on my favorite jeans) denim shorts and some rain boots.  I search for those face masks and can't find one so I start cleaning the chicken coop and vow to wear a face mask next time.  If you are a regular blog follower, you will recall I say this every time I clean the coop.  The coop is filthy and I also need to move the new babies in to the nursery area so they can get accustomed to the outdoors.  You might remember I have a chicken who suffered a broken wing and leg in October.  She was healing very well but has recently gotten worse.  I decided, as I was cleaning out the coop and watching her get attacked by the other chickens, she will need to live with the babies for the next three months until she can walk again.  Chloe comes out to check on me and to tell me that she has a headache.  I send her  inside to take ibuprofen and to rest for a bit.  About twenty minutes later she returns to tell me she can't move her neck and her head hurts and her eyes are filling with tears.  This child has a very high threshold for pain so I call her dad and ask him to please take her to the urgent care place in town when he returns from running errands.  He picks her up about twenty minutes later and takes her to the local urgent care facility.  They take a quick look at her and decide to send her to the ER.

Thadd and Chloe arrive at the ER where they put an IV in Chloe's arm and then treat Thadd for anxiety with some orange juice and water.  I arrive shortly thereafter and Thadd leaves to rescue my friend from  babysitting Brett.  I figured if there were anymore needles, I was better at coping then Thadd.  Thadd leaves and I receive a text from my friend and she has just quoted her daughter as saying, "Brett, STOP calling me your wife!!"  Hilarious.  The doctor comes in and asks if Chloe has had any recent neck trauma and everyone shakes their head no until I recall her morning mishap.  This morning when she went to feed the pony and goats she fell and hit her head.  It must've caused her to start having neck and upper back spasms.  They diagnosed her as having a sprained neck and sent us home with a day off of school and two narcotic prescriptions.  I'm wondering if the day off note and the narcotics are for me too?  Yeah, probably NOT.

The valium they gave her started working quite quickly and she began talking non stop and giggling and acting crazy.  She also considered slipping her doctor a babysitting card, but I noticed the doctor was not wearing a ring and I didn't want to get in to the whole, "Are you married or do you have children"  thing.  At one point she began to recite an ode to her pickle and I started to truly witness the effects of the drugs.  She also kept sliding down in her seat and playing with the electronic seat adjustor.  We had to stop at the pharmacy to fill her prescription and while driving through the line I saw a man standing outside of a car.  It seemed as though the driver was trying to run the man over.  I was very concerned and considered approaching the man and the vehicle to ask if they needed help.  Imagine for a moment....a mom with a young girl on valium in a car with narcotics offering help to a strange man and someone in a car who looked to be wanting to run over the strange man.  Not a good scenario. I know.  As I watched a bit longer I realized it was a dad trying to teach his child how to parallel park using himself as a boundary.  I don't think I trust my children enough to stand in front of the car and let them "avoid" hitting me.  Brett might want to create a scenario....If I hit mom with the car, then we can go see the hot nurses at the hospital.  Hmmmmm.

The five baby chicks going
 to their new outside home

Finally we make it home and I'm tired.  Today was supposed to be eventless.  This morning we even visited our old home church.  It was nice to be there and it was packed.  It seems like their community is growing steadily which is a great blessing.  The service was great and I was able to see some wonderful friends.  I really thought today would only include the excitement of Brett's brown shoes in the trash....boy was I wrong.  I am thankful for Chloe's sprained neck and not the original concern of meningitis(day 58).  Goodnight Friends.

Brett walking the chicks out to their new home
wearing his farm outfit.

Babysitting, Business and Goats

Since Chloe found herself in trouble yesterday and we have had many fights over the course of the week, I thought it might be a good day to spend with her.  We didn't do the cleaning I had hoped to do, but she did unpack her Christmas suitcase and we did have lunch together and run some errands.  One of the errands included a trip to Barnes and Noble where she used a birthday gift card to purchase a few books.  One of the books she purchased is entitled The Babysitter's Handbook.   Being the entrepreneur  that she is, the handbook includes a business guide.  The rest of the evening included a visit to VistaPrint to purchase business cards and a t-shirt advertising her new business.  Although she is very capable as a ten year old, I'm fairly certain Texas law does not permit a ten year old to stay home alone much less babysit others, but she will now have the handbook, business guide, business cards and t-shirt for the business.  As I write this sentence she stands over me, hands on hips, and says, "You need to check the law on that before you tell people in your blog I'm not available for babysitting.  You are going to kill my business before it even starts."  As I finished writing my blog, Chloe walked over to me carrying the Surface and began to spew answers concerning ages for being left alone and such from wikianswers.  I guess if you are in need of a babysitter, Chloe is available.  She is actually quite good with kids, except for if they are her brother named Jesus, I mean Brett.  He has been calling himself Jesus lately and telling her what he thinks Jesus says about her behavior or any random thing he feels lead to say.  I try not to laugh, but it is very entertaining.  Maybe this will cause him to be better.  Very Possible.

While Chloe read the different ideas for babysitting I gave her my interpretation of what should be done instead.  She was unimpressed by my ideas.  I will give you an example so you can have a better understanding of why some people wonder why God allowed me to have children.  The book suggests ways for you to ease a child's concern and anxiety over whether or not their parent will return.  It suggests singing a song about mommy leaving and then coming back.  I suggested you tell the child that mommy and daddy are never coming back!  The book also gave solutions for fighting children.  It advises the babysitter to sit the children across from each other and let them make mad faces at each other.  It says they will eventually start laughing and the problem will resolve itself.  I felt a better use of time would be to give them each a wooden spoon and see who survives.  After I added all of my great ideas, Chloe decided I would be a terrible babysitter.  I'm still wondering if it ever crossed her mind how I became a parent.

November 2012

I think we had a nice afternoon together.  We talked about all the issues we've argued over this week and I'm not sure we solved the world's problems, but we had a moment of connection.  It is impossible to truly connect with your kids unless you actually sit together, without phones, computers and distractions and just talk.  Both of us sat at lunch with our phones on the table managing not to look at them once and instead talking, laughing, and sharing.  In my head I thought about how nice it would be to have this sort of "date" at least once a month.  Life gets so busy and we lose touch with our kids even when we are with them ALL the time.

Today...1/26/2013

When we arrived home I went to collect the eggs and feed the pony and goats.  The goats are getting so fat!   I am going to include a before and after photo so you can truly appreciate the fatness of my pregnant goats.  I am so excited for the arrival of the babies and I'm still not any closer to knowing how to care for them or milk the darn goats.  I'm a "trial by fire" kinda gal.  I'm sure a video camera strapped to my shoulder during my trial-by-fire adventures would allow all of you to truly understand the value of entertainment in my life.

Before

Today

Take some time to connect with your kids, spouse, mom, dad, or loved one.  It will make a difference.  I am so thankful for a reconnecting day with Chloe(Day 57).  Goodnight Friends.

Can I Wear A Tiara ALL DAY?

Today was the beloved and dreaded Book Week Character Parade at our school.  Beloved because the children love to dress up and the parents love to take pictures and dreaded because selecting a costume and coaxing your child to pick a classic book character truly takes an entire year.  Brett comes up with characters like "a rattlesnake" and Chloe always wants to be some queen or goddess.  Every time I let her use my crown(not my state crown) and jewels it all comes back a little worse off than it left.   I think I want her to be a peasant next year or possibly a ghost.  I know, not classical.

This year Brett decided on Jesus.  I thought it was completely appropriate since they have so many similarities.  Cough Cough.  Chloe dressed up as Queen Esther.  I'm sure the costume was not the correct time period, but there was a crown and that is all that really mattered.   She actually wore the crown from 7am until this evening when she took a shower.  At dinner she discussed the possibility of entering pageants so she can win her own crown.  Hmmmmmm.   I don't think I support this pageant interest.  The topic then turned to the talent portion of the pageant and I tried to pretend I didn't know what she was talking about.  I suggested stupid goat tricks and she suggested singing.  I tried to figure out a way to change the conversation.

When we got home and she showered and finally removed her tiara, she retired to her room. She is planning on going to her friend's house to asleepover tomorrow and so I tell her that her room must be clean and her suitcase from Christmas needs to get unpacked and everything put away.  She freaks out!  I hear her cleaning her room and I go in to tuck her in and do prayers and she has unpacked and repacked her bag for her sleepover.  I have a strange feeling I am not going to approve the clothing she has selected.  After further inspection she has packed a sun dress that is mine and strapless to wear to church on Sunday(her friend's church) and flip-flops that are snakeskin and do not coordinate with the dress AT ALL.  She was going to look like a prostitute and I was going to have no idea, but many people I see on a daily basis at school attend this church and so I would likely hear the report of a very interesting dress choice.  I select an alternative dress after pointing out all the flaws with the dress she selected (it is mine, it is strapless, it is summer, it is for people over the age of 18 and usually with a light sweater and my personal favorite: it is my swimsuit cover up).  The dress I choose is young and appropriate and comfortable, too.  She pouted.  By pouted, I mean she had a tantrum.   Her plans for a sleepover have now been changed to include a thorough room cleaning and a playroom cleaning and I'm thinking we also should throw in a closet cleaning as well.

Today was a better day because I avoided screaming, but the children still haven't changed their behavior so why do I have to change mine???  I know, I know, BE THE ADULT.  The good news is I have someone to clean the playroom and it isn't going to be me!  If she continues down this terrible attitude avenue she just might make it through cleaning the whole house!!  I could get used to this!

I hope this weekend is full of fun and a clean house.  I am so thankful to have my husband home after having been gone for a week(Day 57).  I'm not sure how people do it?!  I have many friends who have either husbands who are deployed or travel most of the week for work.  Not my favorite.  I will be glad to have him home this week.  It will be the first week we've been together since I came back from Vegas.  I know it was his secret plan to leave for two weeks after I was only gone for one. Although, his sneaky plan included work and lots of it.  He seems glad to be home and even after arriving at nearly midnight last night, he stuck a load of laundry in the washer.  I'm not sure if he likes doing laundry or if I don't do enough laundry.  I'd rather not ask.  Ignorance is bliss. Maybe I would feel better if I wore a tiara all day.   Goodnight Friends.


 

If They Only.....I Wouldn't Have To Scream

Today I totally lost it!  Yesterday I talked about the words of our mouth defiling us and then today when my children were lazy and had not done any chores and were lounging on the couch, eating in my living room, and acting like they had not a care in the world, I started SCREAMING!!!!!

First I screamed about their clothes all over the house.  Then I screamed about eating in the living room, the pillows on the floor and the costume Chloe is supposed to wear tomorrow in a ball on the floor.  I am certain I looked like a horrible monster.  My children have never moved so quickly in all of their lives.  I continued to lecture on our way to basketball practice about their entitlement issues and how paying them for doing chores is useless.  Doing chores is their way of thanking me for all of the things I do for them.  Chores are the minimum and should be done out of love and respect, not in order to receive payment.  After all of this screaming Chloe was crying so hard she could barely breathe and I felt, well, I felt terrible.

After basketball practice we get in the car and are almost home when I turn around in time to see Brett not buckled in his seatbelt.  I started freaking out!!  I screamed so loud I think the entire I-10 corridor from The Rim to Comfort heard me.  I have been known to slam on the brakes as hard as I can when I see him without his seatbelt to scare him.  It doesn't work, obviously.  Chloe immediately begins crying again.  I am shaking I am so enraged by the stupidity and laziness of my children.  I again feel, well, I feel, awful.  I have just completely lost my cool TWICE in a matter of an hour and a half.  Besides the fact that there is an obvious serge in my hormones, I should NOT, I repeat, I should NOT behave this way.  Tomorrow morning when I have had time to cool off, I will have to apologize to my children for losing my cool and for their stupidity and laziness, oooops, I mean, for my frustration.  I will ask for forgiveness and ask them how we can avoid mommy getting so frustrated.  I have an idea Brett will say something about wanting to go live with Grandma and Chloe has probably already sent her Aunt Melanie and Uncle Popo a text about moving in with them.

Anger is a nasty beast.  Sometimes I am better at controlling it and other times I cannot even begin to figure out how to contain it.  I must figure out a way.  My anger is hateful and judgmental and unforgiving.  If someone screamed at me the way I screamed at them, I would come apart at the seams.  My children do not deserve, no matter how lazy, messy, or disrespectful, to be spoken to hatefully.  UGH.  I hate the admit-my-flaws days on the blog.   They are the worst days of all and yet they are freeing.  They help me to see and hear about the horror and hopefully you will hold me accountable.  Maybe you have the same stuff going on with you and hearing me talk about it helps you to know you aren't alone.  Whatever it is, I hope to get over this terrible thing soon.  I don't want my children growing up thinking it is okay to scream at people when they disappoint you.  That would be awful.

I am thankful for a blog and friends who hold me accountable and help me make changes daily(Day 55).  Goodnight Friends.  I wonder if Chloe is going to remember me telling her "You are in charge of your own morale and you can decide how you want to feel" today OR is she going to remember how I came completely unglued?  Oh well, tomorrow is a new day.

Did You Wash Your Hands, Brett?

¹⁶ “Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. ¹⁷ “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. ¹⁸ But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. ¹⁹ For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. ²⁰ These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.”  Matthew 15:16-20

NICE TRY!!

Look what I was reading today and stumbled upon a possible excuse for Brett not to wash his hands.  I hope he doesn't get his hands on this little Jesus quote and use it against me.  In all seriousness, I managed to avoid being taken away in handcuffs for my expired registration today, so I have nothing truly entertaining to share.  I felt, however, that this verse was something I needed to hear.  Perhaps you feel the same way.

¹⁰ Then Jesus called to the crowd to come and hear. “Listen,” he said, “and try to understand. ¹¹ It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”  Matthew 15:10-11

This is the message that comes before.  Ouch!!  For the record, I am for both hand washing and a pure heart.  The truth is we are rarely of a pure heart.  I often have negativity in my heart that I must beat down or remind to find another place to live instead of my heart.  We are human.  Our very nature is not necessarily happy and pure.  Recently I was sitting with a friend and I had seen a less that appropriate outfit and I thought, "Bad outfit."  I resisted the urge to say it as she really believed she looked lovely.  My friend, on the other hand, said, "Terrible outfit!"  I laughed and spit the water I was drinking on myself.  At that moment I realized I was as guilty as her for the mean comment.

We all have our issues.  Not one of us is perfect, but we can strive to keep our hate, immorality, slander, theft, lying, etc out of our lives by not allowing it to penetrate our lips.  Our words are so powerful.  I am very guilty of using my words to cut like a knife and often those words can NEVER be removed from the heart of the receiver.  We mostly hurt the people we love the most because in our comfort we can be critical.  Try to think about the last part of the verse, "11 It is not what goes in your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth."  Matthew 15:11.

Let that scripture guide you this week.  It doesn't matter what religion you follow or avoid, this verse is ever true in all of our lives.  Use your words to encourage, spread kindness, joy and love, not hate, lies, and filth.  I am thankful for the way God can so easily speak to my heart.(Day 54)  I hope my heart will listen.  Goodnight Friends.

The Fab Five

After school we stopped at the store and I wondered what my blog might contain later in the evening.  I don't know why I think that as the blog truly writes itself.  We arrive home after five and Brett walks in to check on the Fab Five(baby chicks).  He comes outside and reports two of the babies are still wet like they were just born.  They hatched over twelve hours earlier.  I start giving instructions.  "Chloe, get a towel!"  "Brett, MOVE!"  "Chloe, unload the groceries and let the dog out."  "Brett, please get mommy some paper towels."  "Chloe, get me a dropper."

The two babies who were wet, were shivering and unable to hold up their heads.  I grab all of the babies and place them in the towel and secure the warming light to focus directly on their cold little shivering bodies.  They were struggling to warm up so I plugged the incubator in and warmed it to 96.8.  While I was waiting for the temperature to rise I realized the entire water container spilled and soaked all of the baby chick bedding.  I walk out to the chicken coop to find a fresh bag of bedding and fill a new, dry box.  I return to the baby chicks who have not moved from beneath the light.  I fill a dropper with water and begin to drip water in to their mouths.  They barely swallow but continue searching for the water.  I repeat the feeding for about five minutes and after a short time one of them has a bowel movement.  Seems gross, but a sign that movement is occurring allows me to relax a bit.  The incubator is finally ready.  I place them in the incubator for ten minutes.  They are almost completely dry, not shivering, and more alert.  I return them to their siblings and the cozy fresh bedding under the warming light.  They seem better.  They do not have the mobility or the instinct to find the food or water very easily so I spend a few minutes reminding them of the food and water locations.  A few more checks and I feel more comfortable they will survive the night.

Chloe reminds me of her Book Week Costume Parade, both a blessing and a curse.  I love books and costumes, but I dislike finding a suitable and acceptable character for Book Week.  Some of you might recall Chloe's Spanish dancer from Halloween.  She wanted to be Dulcinea from Don Quixote.  If you have not read the book, let me inform you that Dulcinea happens to be a, well, prostitute.  Bummer.  Her costumes are so pretty in the ballet!!  Plan B.  Chloe decides to be Queen Esther from the Bible.  Easy.  The problem she presented tonight was actual evidence of a costume.  UGH!  Ok, so we tromp around the house from closet to closet and eventually visit the guest house closets that have all sorts of fun things hanging in them.  There are tiny dresses of Chloe's I refuse to part with and some dresses of mine I don't wear often.  Hmmmm, maybe this will be the home for my newest black sequin dress.  Currently it is in the bag given to me at purchase next to my bed.  Having it so close makes it feel like I'm almost wearing it!!

I collect a motley crew of accessories and as we assemble them she beams with pride.  I received the thumbs up for her Book Week costume.  Brett wants to be baby Jesus.  I vetoed the idea.  I told him he has to settle for older Jesus the carpenter and reminded him he better be on his very best behavior.  The baby Jesus thing was very tempting with the whole swaddling clothes and such.  I didn't want to be banned from the school as I'm fairly certain Brett dressing as Jesus is sacrilege.  Baby Jesus was pushing the envelope.

As we leave the guest house I turn off all the lights and walk out in to the darkness.  The kids are ahead of me and I walk (with purpose) forward.  WHACK!!!!!!!  "OUUUUCH!  THAT DID NOT FEEL GOOD AT ALL!!!!"  "Mommy are you ok?"  Brett says as he runs to my side.  Chloe chimes in, "Did you break something?  Can you walk?  Do I need to drive to the hospital?"  In my head I imagine Chloe driving us to the hospital and it actually turns in to an ambulance drive.  She isn't a skilled driver at ten.  I do my very best to avoid saying all the words heard in a rated "R" film and instead do some lamaze breathing.  Those of you who know what lamaze means are old.  The rest of you can Google "Lamaze."  I make it to the house where Brett has filled a Ziploc bag with ice and a bit of water because he says, "See, the water makes it work better."  Chloe has grabbed the first aid kit and I'm sitting in the middle of the kitchen on the floor, breathing.  She looks through all of the supplies and pulls out aspirin and ibuprofen packets and says holding them two inches from my eyes, "I will let you choose, but one of these needs to go in your body right now!"  I look up at her face.  She is very serious.  I smile and say, "Baby, thank you, but this ice is really helping.  If it hurts later I will take something."  She frowns and returns them to the pouch in the first aid kit.  Brett has his kit out and is bringing me all sorts of things.  Venom suction, butterfly bandages, alcohol wipes, and scissors all make an appearance as an optional tool for my pain.  Amused, I thank him but decline.

Their bedtime is nearing.  I send them off to separate showers.  Now time to walk down to the barn to feed the pony and goats.  The vet called today and Charlie does have Cushings(horse diabetes).  He starts his prescriptions this week.  I'm lucky though as yesterday my dear friend had to say goodbye to her horse.  It was suffering from some very painful ulcers and other age related issues.  She does run a horse geriatric ward at her house or as I call it, "expensive scenery."  Losing a pet is never easy.  I'm glad Charlie will be around for me to ride a bit longer.

This doesn't look bad in the picture, but if you notice there
is a nice ball underneath the wound.  I guess today was the last
day I will be wearing a dress for a few weeks.

I hope you avoided banging up your leg or almost having to perform CPR on a baby chick.  I am thankful for children who know how to fix every booboo (Day 54).  Goodnight Friends.

Some Farm and Some Fury

As I sit to write I am awaiting the arrival of two more baby chicks this evening.  Prior to leaving to Las Vegas, my husband found a chicken who had been sitting on a secret nest of eggs.  We had no idea how long she had been sitting there, but he felt confident we should incubate the eggs.  I considered throwing them out but was kindly, by kindly I mean not so kindly, reminded by my husband, "That is called abortion."  I let him set up the incubator thinking about the fun he would have over the next week of my absence filling the incubator with water to keep it constantly humid and turning them every eight hours.  This morning when I went to turn the eggs I was surprised to see five holes in five eggs.  When we returned from school one had hatched and  two more hatched over the course of the evening. There are still two babies struggling to crack their shells and I'm sure they will be ready to move to their plastic container by morning.

The three chickens in the front
are hatchlings from October.
Baby Chick (white), Snickers(black) and
Puddles(multi).  You might recall
Baby Chick's blog post.

I let the cat in, the previously outside ONLY cat who impaled herself in order to become an indoor cat. She walked to the door with the chick sounds coming from the other side and began to "MEOW!"  That would be heartbreaking!  I remind the children to close the door to the baby chick room to keep the cat out and we carry out our evening ritual of shower, teeth, prayers and bed.  Prayers are short but include special attention to my son's teacher.  Her husband is suffering from a seemingly fatal illness and I believe he may be entering hospice soon.  I know my prayers later this evening will be filled with hope and peace and strength and as always an added miraculous healing prayer.  When my friends suffer great loss it often reminds me of my extreme blessings.  I've also told my husband that they might as well take me at the same time because I am completely useless without him.

During our anniversary dinner we reflected on our history.  It has not always been smooth sailing and it likely will not be so from here on out, but someone I highly respect once told me, "Difficulty is said to build character, but I believe it reveals character."  I'm sure this is probably a famous quote or it may appear on a fortune cookie, nonetheless, I find it to be entirely true.  You see, in the difficult times his character has only ever impressed me while I think I exhibit signs of weakness.  Live and learn.


Yesterday while we were burning stumps we were visiting with our neighbors over the fence.  In a couple weeks they will celebrate 32 years of marriage.  Their story is actually quite beautiful and also quite sad.  They tried for many years to have children and she actually lost two single births and one set of twins all late in pregnancy.  They spoke of adoption.  They discussed foster care.  Children never filled their home.  They made it through some of the darkest days a family can sustain.  As they celebrate 32 years it will be so having looked Terrible in the face and laughed!

Another friend of mine suffered a similar story.  She was married and tried for a long time to become pregnant.  After testing and too many needles it was decided she had no eggs.  NO EGGS!  Devastated by the heartbreak of never carrying her own child she rested in the arms of her husband.  Unfortunately her husband found rest in the arms of a another woman.  A woman who within the year would actually carry his child.  This marriage ended in divorce and tore a huge hole in the confidence and self worth of this beautiful woman.  Time and love will heal this wound, but her heart will continue to ache with longing for a baby.  My prayer is for her to have one, someday.  I offered Brett.  Still no response.

During a conversation with a friend she shared a story that included wonderful advice.  "Always marry up!"  My husband thought this was not fair since someone gets the raw end of the deal.  Hear me out....I married up in my mind and my husband thinks he married up.  We both believe we got the better deal.  (In my case, I really did get the better deal!!--I can say this and my husband will never know because he actually does NOT read my blog!!)  Recently Chloe asked me, "Why do you like Daddy?"  My answer was simple.  "He is the best person I know."  If you approach marriage as the next step, the only choice, I'm old, or any host of bad excuses it will promise to be the most horrible decision of your life.  I have a friend who is battling cancer and fights for his life every day.  His wife fights beside him.  This has been a journey lasting over a year.  Do you think she wanted to do this or chooses to take care of a man who is in the prime of his life and instead watch him at his worst.  To sit next to him and watch him throw up after treatments or barely be able to stand to his feet some days.  When she married him she might have said, "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health."  I can promise that taking your relationship to the next step because that seems like the thing to do will NOT make it through the hard stuff.  This is not the time to take your relationships or friendships lightly.  Invest in the people around you.  Commit and recommit to your spouse.

Uh oh....maybe I need to step off the soapbox.  Bottom line friends, VALUE COMMITMENT!  I'm thinking I might have written a blog about this at some point but it bears repeating.  I think the combination of hatching baby chicks and my anniversary created just the right formula for a lecture.  Ooops.  I am so thankful for the people in my life who are committed to being good friends.(Day 53)  They tell the truth even when it hurts and they love me even when it is hard to do so.  BE THAT FRIEND.  Goodnight Friends.