Do you recall Paris Hilton coining the phrase, "That's HOT!"? I'm hearing a new phrase starting to gain popularity in the soccer mom circle. "I'm TOTALLY addicted to that!" "That" refers to anything and everything under the sun. It seems that our life is filled with all sorts of things that require labels and I even find myself reading text messages and new reports and wanting to "Like" the material I'm reading. I want to comment. I want you to know that I agree or disagree, like or dislike, + or -, but I want the emotion to be strong enough for you to understand my feelings. The problem is we are becoming extremists. We know more, see more, have more, want more, talk more, and we have a public opinion. We are all public figures with our own accounts whether it be Google+, Twitter, Facebook, My Space, whatever! Imagine, years ago no one would have allowed me to have a blog and yet today I have an opinion and a loud one.
I want to visit temptations and addictions. This is not going to be pretty, so continue if you dare. Temptation begins early in our lives. The toy on the floor when you are in the playpen. The pacifier on the floor when you are in the crib. The kitten who is always just out of reach. As we grow it takes the form of underage drinking, promiscuity, adultery, pornography and drug use. It can also look like something much less seductive. Food, shopping, marathons and even just regular exercise can become addictions.
Being an extreme personality, I like things that make me feel good. I like soft blankets, a loaf of warm freshly baked bread, and drag racing. Ok, I've never drag raced. I have so many soft blankets some might consider me to be a blanket hoarder. I can eat an entire loaf of freshly baked warm bread if I have a moment of weakness. If there are more loaves, so be it! I get in to a daze and just begin to eat and eat and then when I'm done I feel guilty and empty. I haven't done this lately, but this used to be a regular occurrence. I would wake up in the morning thinking about food and I planned my day around my meals. I don't think you necessarily have an addiction if you think about food, especially if you are a mom or dad who is the meal maker at home.
I think we all understand addiction. Some people say they cannot break their addiction because they have a disease. Science supports this theory. I do not. Cigarettes, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, exercise, any addiction requires YOU to stop the cycle. The thing I truly can't understand is why people start something they know is addicting?? There are so many answers to that question. They are defiant, they are supporting Darwinism, they are just plain stupid, they like the way it feels. Oh how I long for the moments of reflection a cigarette smoker has as they exhale and blow smoke in to the air. That moment of release seems so joyful. I tried it once. A W F U L!
I'm not sitting on my high horse looking down. I struggle with addiction everyday. I fight it at every turn. Although I come from a loving family, my father's love never came in the form of attentiveness. He was a gift giver and his love and affection was shared through treats, gifts, or special food. Here is the moment of truth...."I am addicted to attention!!" There, I said it. I'm sure all of you are SHOCKED!! In my life I have struggled with striking a balance between being me and seeking attention. In the past five years I have been at war with myself learning how to be me. The me that God created, not the me that I've spent years perfecting at the cost of a portion of my soul. Well, I think I managed to get my soul back, I hope.
I began to understand a fundamental principle. We all have powers. Hear me out....We all have powers and you can either use them for GOOD or for EVIL. The years I spent dancing and in pageants have prepared me to walk, talk and act in a way that makes a statement. I perform life; I do not merely live it. Since life is a stage you can either demand an audience or you can place your focus toward heaven and hope that the audience sees God and not you. Over the years, actually only the past five, I've begun to realize that God's fingerprint on my life is far more important to me than the fingerprint I leave on other people's lives. I cannot leave God's fingerprint on your life if He has not left His on mine.
I always said I wanted God to be glorified, but not at the cost of my pride, my pain, or my sacrifice. I was seeking attention for God. HA!! He does not need me to drum up attention for HIM!! I used to make these deals with him. "Ok, God. I will do X, Y, and Z if you will do what I'm asking you to do." I also used my abilities, appearance, and talents to get what I wanted instead of using God as my reference. I demanded attention and controlled my environment through manipulation. I was a master. I am ashamed.
I spent years using my powers for EVIL while pretending to be good. I actually believed I was doing the right thing until one of those life re-evaluation periods caught up with me. If you still think I'm an attention seeker, I won't disagree. I do hope that if there is attention to be had, it shines brightly on my Heavenly Father as being the Master of my life. I am not perfect, I suffer from addiction that I have to lay at His feet daily, and I struggle with temptations just like the rest of you. I choose to use my "powers" for GOOD and to share God's love here, there, and everywhere. I thank Him for accepting me as I am and being willing to use me for His Kingdom works.
Choose your words wisely. Don't be "addicted" to anything and everything that crosses your path. Keep your eyes focused on Him and he will remove temptation or give you the strength to resist it. The walk WILL NOT be easy, but it will be for GOOD.1 Corinthians 10:13
New International Version (NIV)
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