I Think They Call This Denial

Today I was talking to a friend who was co-miserating with me about Brett's recent string of bad behavior.  We talked about how her son had a very similar situation that eventually led to medication.  He was diagnosed ADHD and they placed him on a drug that would help him concentrate.  I looked at her, confused and sad.  I've spent a large part of my life learning, teaching, trying, failing and almost always lacking understanding of the full scope of the disorder.

I spent my year as Miss Connecticut as a spokesperson for the ADD Center of New England.  I know all the ins and outs and all the ups and downs, but certainly not just from reading anything or studying anyone.  I live it.  Every. Single. Day.  I've taken medication and tried all of the drugs on the market.  No drug can fix it.  The medications are not great and they give your child a roller coaster ride, possible suicidal tendencies, inhibit growth, cause loss of hunger, irritability when it wears off and depression. Hmmmmm, I'm not sure about you, but the side effects are NOT something I want in my life.  So I guess my son will act up in class, do poorly in school and fall through the cracks?  Ugh.

I don't know if Brett is ADD or ADHD, I'm not a doctor.  Will I get him tested at some point?  Probably.  Why is it so hard to think he might have what I have?  The thought of him dealing with all the things in this life plus a label are overwhelming.  Do I want him to behave at school and actually learn in class or do I want to pay for a private education that he can't focus long enough to glean from it.  I spoke to him this evening about his recent behavior issues at home, school and sports practice asking for answers.  "Brett are you sad about something?  Is something at school too hard, too easy, or are you tired?"  He had no answers for me.  I told him he was the only one who could choose to be good.  I can't make him BE good, but I can discipline him and take away his favorite toys.  I pray with him and encourage his good behavior, I do homework with him almost every day when I'm not running him to practice or games.

I remember how much easier my life became as a result of medication back when there was a better alternative.  The medication I took was pulled off the market due to low sales(according to the maker) and liver failure/death(according to the FDA).  I didn't die.  Since 1975 this drug had been used to treat ADHD and ADD with great success.  The medications available today are a terrible alternative and often times they have to prescribe multiple medications in order for them to "work" for your child.  I'm frustrated by the whole thing.  I might be in denial.  I think I need some time to process this whole thing.  I suspect there will be many parts to this blog in the future as I slowly work through Brett's super fun-ness.  It could just be that he is a boy.  Very possible.   Again, it could be denial.

I'm tired from all this thinking.  I am thankful for a happy, healthy son even though he misbehaves.(Day 76)  Goodnight Friends.