She called to hear me say it was going to be ok. It will be ok. What she really wanted was for me to be sad with her and to mourn her tragedy. Sometimes we don't need someone to say the right thing or be encouraging. Sometimes all we need is an, "I'm sorry. This is a really hard situation and I'm sorry you have to go through it." She called another one of our college friends and we were all three on the phone talking and laughing and commiserating. It was a sad discussion yet full of voices from a wonderful past. We were Charlie's Angels. A blond(KP*), a brunette(me) and a ginger(Ginger*) with personality to spare. Sitting on the couch chatting with these girls made me eighteen again.
At first the conversation revolved around the sadness Ginger shared of her pregnancy dilemma. Her only option to become pregnant is through IVF. KP had done similar procedures and expressed her frustration over the whole experience. I suggested tequila. During the conversation my kids kept coming in the room screaming about something or trying to eat chocolate on my white bed. Ginger had to hear me scold my children and yet she still wants a child of her own. In ten years I will be on the phone with her while she scolds her child for bringing chocolate on her white bed. For now, she has made it perfectly clear that although my offer of sending my children to her sounds, well, tempting, it is not a solution. Clearly, my children are brats and her child will not be a brat is what she is secretly thinking!! I assured her that her child would be as much a handful as mine and KP's kids, but when they are your own it isn't so bad.
Our conversation changed to work and then we visited the idea of a reunion. Oh how a reunion would be so very fun. I secretly(well not so secretly because it is now on my blog) worry about my weight and my wrinkles. KP and Ginger are both in the fitness/wellness industry and look better in a bikini now than they did in college. I definitely wear rain boots and a tank top on the beach instead of a bikini. I started to make dinner as our conversation progressed and then suddenly the phone call dropped and it was over. I finished making dinner and fed the kids. I rushed out the door to take Brett to basketball practice. On our way home from practice I began to realize that my encouraging words of giving her one of my children, offering tequila as a solution to speed pregnancy, or telling her "IVF isn't that bad." were all the wrong things to say. All I needed to say was, "I'm sorry. This is a really hard situation and I'm sorry you have to go through it. I don't understand what you are going through, but I'm here for you." She just wanted someone to sit for a moment and listen. She didn't want solutions. I called and left her a quick five minute message(if you've ever received a message from me, chances are, it was not quick) to tell her I was sorry about the whole IVF thing and that I'm here for her.
I was glad to be eighteen again and also happy to be valued by a friend who is separated by time and space. Being a woman is not easy, but there are so many great woman with great stories and journeys who enrich our lives. Ginger is an inspiration in her work and her success, yet has struggles in a facet of her womanhood. It is amazing how no amount of money or success can make-up for the basic needs our body yearns to fulfill. The most basic role of motherhood is at stake and it truly rocks her world. Tonight when I kiss my children goodnight I will have a new reason to be thankful. Their very creation was a miracle. Tonight I am extra thankful for long distance friends whose bond is never broken(Day 7). Goodnight Friends.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent...or not so innocent.
Thadd noted this blog is exceptionally "girly."
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