Don't Drink the Kool Aid

I want to share my experience and I hope it either helps me deal with the situation better or maybe you gain(or lose) something from my litany.  Sometimes when I try to look out for my friends I end up giving them such good advice that it is offensive and not well received.  In addition to my "good" advice sometimes I also get hit with something the person has been holding in for some time.  I had a very close friend blindside me with  hurt feelings when I sent a text message offering some unsolicited advice.  Sadly, I DIDN'T know I hurt her feelings and I still don't know what hurt her feelings.  What I DO know is that she was truly feeling emotionally scarred by the unknown(to me) events and the unsolicited advice was a great place to drop the bomb!!  I actually have been down this long, lonely road a time or two.

 In the past I dealt with a situation(twice on separate occasions) where two people had a very intense and unfair dealing and one left more hurt than the other.  I chose not to take sides because it really was NONE of my business.  Unfortunately, one of the them still holds resentment toward me and my husband for not taking their side.  My heart cannot handle hate, anger, bitterness, contention, and un-forgiveness.  It makes me physically sick to have people in my world unhappy with me, but it is far worse to actually hold that hate in my heart.  Truthfully, it hurts my Heavenly Father's heart.

I remember when I was a young teacher and I had two of my best and brightest students who decided not to participate in their last performance of their high school career.  They chose a professional gig that they hoped would bring them fame and fortune.  Unfortunately, they did not gain fame and fortune and we lost two great students.  I did not hate them.  I did not carry a grudge. Although I did cry, A LOT!! I valued their decision as the best decision for them at the time and it would prove to be a learning experience.  I am still in contact with these very talented and passionate dancers!

I once had a friend come unglued with me because we have different parenting styles.  One day she just did not agree with me and SCREAMED at me and reprimanded me like a child(for what felt like five minutes) in front of our kids, our moms and GOD!!  I knew that if I did not forgive her for yelling at me and get past it, I would never heal.  She had a bad day and she also didn't like my parenting.  Neither one of us was right or wrong, we were different and at that very moment, we were both very hurt.  We had to mutually forgive no matter how right we each thought we were, we had to completely forgive the other person without working through the events.  I guess it is an agree to disagree situation.  It took us some time, but we are still GREAT friends and we probably still do not agree on parenting!!

If someone has done you wrong, I am the WRONG person to sign up for your hate team.  I try my best to find good in every person and to understand the value of the phrase, "there are two sides to every story."  By having two sides does not mean I want to know both sides.  It is not my fight.  I watch what hate and un-forgiveness has done in my family and I pray that God will save me from that sort of suffering.  Each of us has a vice and I know and accept my imperfections, but I do not want to stand at my day of judgement and hear the following, "You hated those who hurt your friends.  My commandment is to love one another."  OOOPS!

Two commandments given to us by God

Matthew 22:37-40, "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

Jesus gave us very important commandments to follow; one of them was to love one another, as He has loved us (John 15:12). Love is the exact opposite of unforgiveness, envy, jealousy, hate, pride and bitterness. You can't truly love somebody and hold bitterness or unforgiveness against him or her at the same time.  (GreatBibleStudy.com and the Bible)

 If you have un-forgiveness in your heart, you must release it to the Lord.  I cannot be your ally in a hate game.  I will be your prayer partner in your quest for releasing bitterness and un-forgiveness.  I love my friends and family and will do anything for them, except carry their burden of un-forgiveness.  I encourage you, if you have a chance, to read the entire article on GreatBibleStudy.com.  Do not let the enemy drag you to the depths of hell under the auspice of, "they did you wrong."

If you don't have five minutes to read through the link above, click here.  This quick story gives such a beautiful picture of God's expectation of us to forgive.  I continue to strive to look to him in all I do, unfortunately I am human and therefore flawed.  I fall short often, yet I am thankful that his forgiveness, mercy and grace save me from myself.

10/27/12 I wanted to add this scripture I read today as I felt it adds weight to my argument....

Proverbs 26:17  Interfering in someone else's argument  is as foolish as taking a dog's ear.