Vacation Memories

This morning, sitting on the white sand beaches watching my children create sand pools and  inhabit them with sea critters, I'm reminded of another beach vacation.  The summer of 2006 was filled with all sorts of memories both good and bad.  I was invited to return to the Miss Connecticut Scholarship Pageant and we were spending a week in Newport, Rhode Island like a Vanderbilt(but lower budget).  My dad was still struggling with all the ugliness associated with his cancer treatment and I was living life in a fog.

Brett was ten months old and I wished to look like I did in 1997, but the additional 70 lbs made it difficult for me to look like a pageant princess and the anti depressants made me not try.  My thyroid was like a roller coaster, my hormones were raging, I was still producing more milk than a dairy cow, and I didn't care.  Life was good.

I served as a judge for the pageant and had the best time catching up with my pageant family. The new girl was spunky and full of life.  I couldn't promise she would be manageable, but she would be memorable.  Come to think of it, I'm not sure I was all that manageable. 

Next came our 4th of July vacation in Newport, Rhode Island.  This beach community boasts some of the most grand and lavish displays of wealth in the form of ”summer homes.”  These homes are worth the Newport Mansions Tour, but I'm usually left wishing it was my house!  We stayed in a 4/2, three blocks from the beach instead of the 15/15 on the beach.

The trip was complete with blueberry and raspberry picking in the area and multiple beach visits.  Brett ate his weight in sand and Chloe frolicked in the waves, but the thing I most remember is how I bought a bottle of Port to help my food digest following our delicious dinners.  The problem:  Port +anti depressants= sleepy mommy.

I spent a large portion of my vacation asleep.  I missed out on the 4th of July fireworks and plenty other activities.  I often reflect on that vacation as a reminder of my ”lost days.”   For seven years I took anti depressants and for seven years I missed life.

I eventually found a doctor who was able to adjust my hormones and make me ”normal” again.   I was robbed of valuable time.  I am not telling you to quit taking your anti depressants or that you don't need them.  I will tell you if you feel like they are not the answer and you know something is wrong and anti depressants aren't fixing the problem; seek the advice of a doctor or two.  I credit much of my healing to my faith in God, but also to the doctor who determined the major hormonal discrepancies. 

As I sit on the beach this morning, reflecting on the ”lost days,” I'm so thankful to be present in this very moment.  This is where I sign off to join my daughter in the waves.  I don't want to miss out on life again.

A little advice:  If it feels broken it probably is broken.