A Perfect 10--A Swimsuit Saga

We are going on vacation, well actually we are going to visit a friend who lives in a vacation destination.  BONUS!!  Summer vacation destinations often entail swimsuits and although my daughter's child size 10-12 swimsuit is precious, my size 10-12 is NOT as precious!

Here is a good story....I was once a size 0 and would scoff at the stores that didn't carry a small enough size 0.  Truth be told, I danced for approximately ten hours on any given day and I was in amazing shape!  The life of a dancer faded and I became a dance teacher.  I maintained a 4-6 which I thought was "average" and later quit dancing and teaching altogether to raise my two children and the sizes I wore reached almost to 20.

The lessons I learned being a stay at home mom were quite simple:
     1)  I am not a good stay at home mom.

     2)  I get very fat when I stay home all day and eat all the food my children don't eat.

I would pray to God to forgive me for being so selfish and unhappy as a full time mom.  I was certainly forgiven, but it didn't change the fact that I weighed almost 200 pounds.  Some people say I am a beautiful woman, but I promise I was not very beautiful inside or out at 200lbs.  I screamed and I ate and I screamed more because I ate more and the cycle did not cease.  I felt guilty for exercising and spending time away from my children, but the more time I spent with them the more I ate and the more I screamed.

Okay, so there was more going on than just being a stay at home mom.  My dear, kind husband really did not know what to do with the monster he married who bore him two beautiful and healthy children but breathed fire!!  So, he made me a doctor's appointment to have a full blood panel done because clearly his wife was BROKEN(Unfortunately, my spirit was not yet broken, but that is another post altogether)!!  I visited the doctor and was in fact broken.  My hormones were a disaster and I had every vitamin deficiency known to man.  Slowly, over the course of the next four years, I worked closely with a doctor to remedy the deficiency, lost fifty pounds, and got a job(or two).

Now you have a little history from Fabulous to Fat and Back Again!  So now I'm swimsuit shopping with my very beautiful and svelte nine year old daughter(who looks 13) and my six year old son who is dressed in full camouflage.  I know exactly the swimsuit I want....STRAPLESS!

We scour the racks for one piece, strapless, solid color swimsuits.  I find a beautiful bikini in magenta, orange and gold and so I grab that one and hide it in my stack.  After about fifteen minutes I find a dressing room.  Reminder: I still have two children in tow.  I try on all ten swimsuits and find two that are perfect!!  I also find one(the bikini) that makes me look like I am paid by the hour in Mexico or New Orleans....where the women are well, Reubenesque.   My daughter says, "If you want that swimsuit you need to go to the gym...EVERYDAY!"  Unfortunately the gym will not rid me of the excess baggage I developed upstairs.  To test the waters I sent a text of the bikini(with me in it) to my husband and he said something along the lines of NOT FOR PUBLIC VIEWING.  My son was very concerned that my "milkies" were falling out and that I was showing too much "boobie" and he preceded to stuff them back in the swimsuit.  I think now you understand why I seek out the perfect one piece strapless swimsuit.  I buy two swimsuits and the bikini is not one of them.


Two days later I have a birthday party at the lake.  I test out my favorite of the two suits...it is a blue, turquoise, and black watercolor-like pattern, strapless.  I throw a long black crepe sarong and head to the party.  This is the conversation I had with my husband on my way out the door....
     Him:  I think that swimsuit is too small.
     Me: No, it is new and it is NOT too small. I like strapless swimsuits to avoid tan lines(I hold the swimsuit up with the 'twins' in their spot from before I breastfed two children).  Is this BETTER?
     Him:  Yes, that looks better.
     Me:  Those cost money and they do not stay in that location without surgery.  You willing?
    Him:  That is not the solution.


I wanted to tell him he was not allowed to comment on my swimwear and how my topography has changed over the years.  I wanted to ask him why he hates plastic surgery and instead I decided I couldn't complain that my husband actually likes all my parts and he also likes me to wear clothing that accentuates my gifts and not my flaws.  I find it hard to believe after marrying a young, beautiful hard body he is happy kissing me goodnight.   For the next year or so I will use these saggy swimsuits and when I return to the swimsuit aisles I will consider the tan lines and maybe opt for going to the gym everyday and instead buy a bikini.  I'm sure they sell turtleneck bikinis, right?