The Losing Made It Real

This morning my friend treated me to a massage at the local spa.  I waited for the masseuse while sipping pink grapefruit & tarragon infused water.  The robes are so soft and for about five seconds I consider sticking it in my bag and taking it home. 

I'm on the table and my masseuse, Tiffany,  tells me I can choose to relax or to talk.  For all of you who know me, quiet isn't my specialty.  We talk about lots of things.  I ask if she knows the meaning of her name, she does not.  I finally ask if she has children.  She does not, but hopes to add a bundle to her joyful marriage. 

I recall what made us decide it was time to have kids.  I was newly pregnant.  We had been married two years and HAD NOT discussed having children.  I was sitting in a rehearsal when I began to have the most horrible pains of my life.  I was doubled over in agonizing pain, but managed to complete my rehearsal and get home.  I remember sitting by the toilet because I wanted to throw up.  The bleeding followed the pain.  I called my sister, the physician, and asked her if she thought I was having a miscarriage.  She was scared for me, but acted strong.  She talked me through what I might be feeling and what was happening to me.  She told me I needed to go to the hospital if the pain was such that I needed aid. 

I was sitting in the waiting room of the emergency room losing my first child.  I had a support system, but they couldn't save the baby.  Nothing could save the baby.

Losing that child made us positive we wanted children.  We wanted to succeed at making and delivering a healthy child the moment we lost that first baby.  I'm not sure I truly understood the gravity of parenthood, but I was going to do it no matter the obstacle.

During my massage, I learned that Tiffany had the exact same experience.  She recently miscarried an unplanned pregnancy and she and her husband decided it was indeed time to start a family.   My heart broke for her as I remembered those feelings, yet my heart was joyful to look in to the smiling faces of the two healthy children who followed.  I spoke encouragement in to her life with naked Brett stories and Chloe encyclopedia stories.

I hope she doesn't mind the subject of my blog today and just in case you are reading Tiffany, your name means ”the appearance of God.”  When I read the meaning of her name my eyes filled with tears.  Someday she will see God's true appearance when she looks in to the eyes of her healthy baby.....someday.