An Issue of the Heart

This morning I hurried to the grocery store before my friend was scheduled to arrive at my home for an early lunch.  I ran in to a few friends and enjoyed catching up with their lives.  The grocery store is always such a blessing for me for the food I buy and the friendships I visit.  Moms are so busy and the store is often our only social outing between work, school and playing chauffeur.  Once home I began to unpack my groceries when my lunch date arrived.  She was beautiful as usual with her perfect hair that always falls just so and perfect makeup.  All of her outer qualities always find themselves in perfect placement but what I was to find out was her heart was the issue.

She sat and asked(many times) if she could help me cook.  I instead wanted her to relax and visit with me.  I wanted to hear about the three years we haven't seen each other down to the smallest detail.  I knew she had recently moved and was very unhappy with the distance and size of the home.  Unless you have a housekeeper, a large home means a long time to clean.  Cleaning is not an easy task with her three children having extra curricular activities and the distance between home and, well, EVERYWHERE else.  She feels sad, overwhelmed, and rather disconnected from the tight community where she lived for nine years.  Our lunch date was planned by us but actually coordinated by my Heavenly Father as I was able to share with her about my period of isolation and how depressed and miserable I felt.  I remember the extreme guilt I had for feeling so sad while living in a huge, gorgeous house, as a stay-at-home mom with a nanny and a gym membership.  I was living in a tiny town away from everyone I loved in a lonely house.  I remember the loneliness she is currently feeling.  

I needed the antidepressants I was on so much more when I was living in the lonely house with the unfortunate discovery that my thyroid and hormones were the culprit and not depression.  I quit taking the antidepressants around the same time a friend of mine informed me I could be happy inside of this period of isolation.  She told me God was still there reminding me of his need and want to be a part of my life.  My heart saw sorrow when happiness was actually a choice away.  My sad heart did not know it could choose something different.  I would say, "If I only had a gym membership."  "If I only had my kids in a mother's day out program."  "If I only had someone to clean my house."  "If I were thinner."  Whether or not any of these things were added to my life didn't matter because the problem was not stuff, time or opportunity.  The problem was my heart.

Today at lunch we talked about how she could change her perspective.  I'm not sure I've always seen life this way, but I believe greatness is NOW.  Greatness exists in your present situation and you can find it if you choose to look for it.  Your present situation might not be the best, but God has NOT "lost your file."  There are lessons and wisdom to be learned around every bend.  Use your isolation and loneliness time as an opportunity to reconnect with your Creator.   You are not a number to him. 

Psalms 139: 13-14 

          click here to read all of Psalm 139

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

If you click on the link you will see David's divine description of the love and dedication of our Heavenly Father to us.  Sometimes we get lost in the circumstance and lose sight of Him.  Please understand I do not think your situation is easy or effortless.  There is such a thing as being overwhelmed by your privileges.  Living in America, we are so incredibly blessed and often our first world problems seem so trivial when compared to hunger, poverty and disease.  Here's the thing, God still loves us.  Shocking, I know.  Psalms 55:22 says, "Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you..."

I am so thankful for a God who doesn't think my problems are silly because he cares so very much for my heart(Day 84).  When I was able to focus on heaven I also learned so much about God's heart for my life.  He let me have what I wanted and when I was ready to listen to him, he showed me what HE wanted for my life. I have a modest house, too many animals, a job and I'm my own housekeeper.  If you had told me I would be this person ten years ago I would've been very disappointed.   You see, I imagined a life of fame and fortune:  imagine Downton Abbey meets Reese Witherspoon. Today, as a normal person, I am content with my life.  I am exactly where God wants me to be, goats and all.  Are you?  Goodnight Friends.