Have you ever heard the term oppositional defiant? Yes, well it is a behavioral term defined as hostile, defiant, disobedient behavior towards authority figures. I'm sure none of you have ever experienced such a problem and none of your children behave in oppositionally (word I made up as it is not recognized in my computer) defiant ways. I have a child who exhibits oppositional defiance and I too was a child very much like him. If my mother said, "Do not touch!" I touched. If she said, "Don't cross the street when I am not with you." I crossed the street many times without her. The list is long of all the things I did that I was instructed NOT to do.
My mother and I are having a conversation about this very topic today and she says I can easily justify any behavior. Yes, yes I can, but listen to this really great thing I figured out. I'm sure it is already published and common knowledge to all of the medical professionals and it does seem obvious to me, but here it is anyway. When a parent or authority figure says, "No." it does not allow the child to experience why. Some children are content with the direction while others ignore the instruction and learn from experience. Brett shocked himself with a screwdriver and a plug. He was told NOT to use those things together and did not listen; instead he experienced a shock and will never make that mistake again. Throughout my life I made these same sorts of inquiries with similar results.
I remember the time my parents told me not to practice skiing in the parking lot of the condo at the ski resort. I skied down the hill and was hit by a reversing car and remained stuck under the car until the woman heard my screams and the skis under the carriage of the car. I was not crying I was merely screaming to let he know I was under the car. I was sure the woman was going to have a heart attack when she saw me emerge from the bottom of the car, but I was fine. Lesson learned. I never skied in the parking lot again, EVER.
There were lots of things I didn't need to try to know they weren't a good idea. Drugs, for example, were not a problem for me. My highly addictive personality would've guaranteed me to be a drug addict. I'm not sure I avoided drugs because I was brilliant. I truly believe God had a plan for my life and was directing every step along the way. The oppositional defiant child was known as a stuck up goody goody in high school and college. I can only explain this turn of events as a final understanding of the rules and guidelines and how to live within them comfortably. I am a CONTROL FREAK and I enjoy controlling every situation, yet how can you control something you have not experienced? EXACTLY!!
Today I am happy to announce I was not a brat. I was smart enough to gain my own scientific evidence of the world around me even though I weathered a few storms. Truthfully, I think I have great stories because of my oppositional defiance. Is there an oppositional defiance flag pin I can wear on my lapel? Why didn't I choose Oppositional Defiant Disorder as my pageant platform? I continue to practice OD in a small way. Every time a server tells me, "Please be careful not to touch the plate. It is very hot." I always touch the plate. ALWAYS!! I'm so glad I was able to teach you something very important today. The lesson being: You can justify anything...
Don't miss what I'm saying here. No one is perfect, but we must be cautious to avoid "explaining away" things we should be changing. "I drop acid because it makes me creative." Nice try. "I let my child do whatever he wants because that is just the way he is and discipline doesn't work on him." HA!
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