Yesterday was quite a day! I woke up late after having had a nightmare that my husband had a mistress who happened to also be one of my best friends. My eyes opened shortly before he was leaving for work as I scolded him for having this love affair in my dream. He assured me it was only a dream and I'm certain in his head he wondered how any man would want more than one crazy woman in his life, well beside his mother and daughters. As I dragged myself to the barn the children joined me since the power had gone out in the house and they were discussing all of the things you are not supposed to do when your power is out. "Brett, when the power is out, do not open the refrigerator of freezer door!" says Chloe. "Chloe, when the power is out you are still not the boss of me." reminded Brett. This went on for a while until I decided to stop listening. At one point I said, "I can't use hot rollers and will have to brush my teeth with bottled water." Brett quickly responds, "Life is full of disappointments." By the time we return from milking the goat the power has returned and toilet flushing, hand washing and hot roller using commenced.
We all got dressed to meet my mom and Lynn in town for lunch. On our merry way we pass a house where a car had recently driven out of it's driveway and the gate remained open. Two dogs happily pranced across the street and along the road in the opposite direction of their owner's exit. Seeing her ahead, I speed up to catch her at the stop sign. The moment we stop I begin to honk and wave my arms, motioning for her to pull over. She does NOTHING of the sort and turns to enter the on ramp. I continue honking and waving wildly as she accelerates to escape my brand of crazy. As we enter the freeway, I tell Chloe to grab the large white tablet from the floor and tell her to write DOGS OUT in large letters. We hold the sign to the window for a good solid minute while I drive next to her and honk like a banshee. She tries not to look and I imagine she's decided to call the cops. Finally she turns her head and sees the sign. She mouths the words "Thank You" and exits the expressway to return home to tend to her dogs. My children were so impressed with my elaborate act of "heroism" or "saving the dogs," as they put it. They told everyone about our honking, flailing, dog saving endeavor.
As we continued on the highway and laughed about the dog incident and other random things, I noticed some bright lights in my rearview mirror. CRAP!! A cop. I pull over and apologize for speeding and tell him I didn't even realize I was speeding as we were in happy conversation. He didn't care. He asked for my license and insurance, excused himself for a moment and returned with a ticket. 79 mph in a 70mph. Nearly a $200 ticket and I'm depressed. I think of five things I can do with $200 and get angry for having been pulled over when I was traveling in the flow of traffic! No matter how mad I get I return to the simple reality that I was, in fact, SPEEDING. A high speed police chase would've been more fun or at least more exciting for the blog. Maybe next time. I return to the expressway and no sooner am I passed by a truck going 90mph with exhaust spewing out the back and I say angrily, "Where is Mr. San Antonio Police Officer NOW?????" Okay, so not the greatest attitude for my kids to witness, but Brett laughed and Chloe was still talking about the wild honking and flailing.
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| Yes, that is a cop! Unmarked Tahoe |
We have a decent lunch at Panera Bread and I'm reminded that all of their food that is NOT a baked good or a bagel, is not very delicious or flavorful. I think back on why I don't eat delicious bagels and recall swelling and painful stomach aches due to the gluten and then vow never to return.
Lunch is a prep for shopping. The kids are fed and they've used the bathroom and are now a captive audience for two hours until they require either one of the aforementioned activities. We visit JCPenney, which is quickly becoming my favorite store. I can buy shoes for Chloe that she outgrows in a month, swimsuits I wear for a season, and separates I wear for a season, as well. This time I picked up a very cute hot pink bikini top to match some previously purchased hot pink bikini bottoms. They also had some very fashionable sunglasses showcased on last night's blog entry. I know I talk about body image and swimsuits a bunch, I'm a woman and it's swimsuit season. These two things haunt us our entire lives after puberty. I don't wear bikinis in public, but they are suitable farm attire to have the most or least tan lines. I was recently questioned about my choice of farm attire. Look, MY FARM, MY RULES! I know it is a little risqué, but I also allow my goats to run around naked.
The swimsuit shopping was quite an adventure, as usual. I tried to sneak in the dressing room without either one of the children. As I am trying on the first swimsuit, Brett crawls under the dressing room door and inspects my attire. His head is about chest level, so I was very happy to have secured my top before he stood to his feet. Nonetheless, his eyes were focused downward on my belly where I display, like a medal of honor, the evidence of having carried children sans a surrogate. After further inspection and questioning, I admitted to having received the stretch marks due to the stretching of my belly during pregnancy. If you were one of those women who has NO marks or claims to have put cream on daily to avoid stretch marks, rest assured, no amount of cream changed my outcome. My skin likes to have stretch marks. No big deal. I have them from when I grew during puberty and pregnancy. Fact of life. Brett looks at me and apologizes for his part in the terrible marks I have on my body. Leave it to a child to tell you the truth. For now, the bikini will remain farm attire.
The stretch mark talk was a bit much for Brett to handle, so he quickly hit his knees and crawled his way out of the dressing room. At one point I stepped out of the dressing room to ask my mom what she thought of the swimsuit. "Hey Mom, what do you think of this one?" A few other people were in the dressing area and they swung their heads around to check my hot self out and all I heard was the sound of crickets. I clarified the question, "At my house, away from public view." Everyone began to nod in agreement that private use was best. Look, I can't help that I look like I just stepped of the pages of the Sport's Illustrated Magazine cover and the rest of the world is NOT ready for me! They airbrush my stretch marks out.
Following our shopping escapade we return to the house to pack Brett's stuff. We take my mom out to dinner at P.F. Chang's with Brett spending the entire dinner trying to convince us to purchase him either a red-eyed tree frog, a black-eyed tree frog or a White's tree frog. He included every fact, dietary information, habitat qualifications, temperature need, and maintenance requirement for the amphibians as our poor waitress tried to avoid seeing the photographs we were passing around the table. Later we find out she was "attacked" by a frog once.
My mom and son take off toward Laredo and we make our way to the Man of Steel movie where Chloe decides she will also be seeing the Thor movie being released soon. I'm not sure she is able to recollect any of the important plots or themes, but she does find Superman to be a "hottie." Oh boy! I can hardly wait till high school to see how this whole guy crazy thing pans out. Luckily she doesn't seem too motivated by any of her guy friends and only finds the very far reaching movie star men suitable to her taste. For now. As we parted ways at the theater, each in our separate cars, my husband's phone had run out of battery. Thinking he would be funny he said, "Hey, would you mind texting my girlfriend and letting her know my phone ran out of battery." Ha Ha. Very FUNNY!
We arrived late, so I milked one goat while the others slept quietly in the barn. It was a very quiet milking. Those are the best kind. I am very thankful for all of the laughs incurred yesterday.(Day 176). Goodnight Friends.
